This Lot Would Make Delboy Trotter Proud – Marlene – It’s The Return Of Speed Pitching & Co-Founder Dating!

Quelle-est la date de ton anniversaire…Janvier? Fevrier? Mars?

Millennials may remember the above ditty from elementary French class – remember the anticipation as you nervously waited for your birthday month to arrive would you say “Je Suis” instead of “J’ai”? – it must have been something like the anticipation felt by our HHH’ers as they waited A WHOLE 3 MONTHS!! for the latest edition of our famous Speed Pitching & Co-founder Dating nights to come around.

But, Mesdames et Messieurs, come around it did – and iteration number 27 was – ah, ‘chouette’, supercool, et, dare je say it, Marlene, le best yet!

Pour commencer (ok, nor more French, Ed), Google Campus was packed to the rafters – heaving, fuller than an intestinal tract stuffed with salami at a French butcher’s – and just as tasty. If the rest of London suffered from a total absence of creativity crisis it would not have surprised us one iota – London’s finest thinkers, minglers, Hipsters, Hackers and Hustlers were all busy pitching. T’was ever thus. Sigh.

And we’ve been busy too – we’ve been launching new cohorts in Milan and Moldova – we’ve been in the Dominican Republic sourcing a new venue for our start-up retreat – preparing for our upcoming Startup Ski Trip in Tignes Le Lac – creating a new flagship event – “Don’t Fuck Me, Fund Me” – which will feature a suitcase full of cash, investors, handcuffs, a security detail and a limo! And doing some, by comparison, pretty routine updates to our website which you must comment upon forthwith. Sans hesitation!

So that’s us, now over to you – we’re sure you know the form by now – flirty flirty, tell us your business plan and why strangers should approach you afterwards asking to join you, fund, you, and build your MVP, followed by squirty squirty, pump action water-pistol soakings for anyone who exceeds our 30 seconds limit – and no talking at the back of the room – wait for all the pitches to finish!

So without further ado (should that be adieu? Ed) let’s take a sneaky peek at the 10 best pitches from last night – some of these would have made even Trotter’s Independent Trader’s proud with their dedication to the hustle – and shout out to the bustle – for shizzle, it’s a top 10 you could bet your house on – and hopefully, one of you will ; )

This is how start-ups are made – sugar and spice and…splice and dice!

This is how start-ups are made – sugar and spice and…splice and dice!

  1. Samir – Social We – Hustler; what kind of a world is it when it’s easier to find a partner for casual sex (or “Netflix & Chill”) than it is for tennis? A good one? Well, obviously it would be great if you could do both, and Social We will help you achieve the latter – it’s a mobile fist, social experience discovery platform that lets you browse and attend selected events organised by locals. You can even create your own events – without facing that awkward moment when your new bowls partner asks if you want to make “the best with two backs”. There are 9 categories to choose, from, from Sports & Fitness, to Networking & Events – another problem solved; contact Samir if you’d like to get involved – launch is formally planned for June ‘16
  2. Pawel – Hustler – Justabeer; bloggers, creatives, online merchants – get thanked for the wonderful content you produce by installing a smart new widget designed and built in Poland (but now relocated to London) by Pawel and his team at Justabeer. The widget allows users to virtually “doff you their cap” and make a small donation – enough for a coffee, beer, or perhaps a beard trim. The guys are hunting down a Visual Designer to add to the team – could it be you? – let them buy you a beer then!
  3. Harry – Hipster – HouseKitty; we love and admire Harry for his incredible economical pitch – he crammed so much information into the 30 seconds we think he must have practised in front of the mirror! HouseKitty solves that annoying problem of dividing up the household bills – it can store money or simply keep track of who paid what bill – there’s always one bill-dodger per houseshare right, and others wake up every day feeling like a Pelican – with an enormous bill right in front of their noses! HouseKitty replaces the pesky spreadsheet (“all numbers and columns – like a cross between Countdown and Rome!”) with an easy to use platform – so try it – and let the guys know what you think.
  4. Ronnie Rich – Hipster – Fitbanker; what’s this? A reformed banker on a mission to – make bankers fitter? Do believe the hype! Fitbanker provides mentoring packages to provide a transformative health experience for anyone (tho’ presumably mostly bankers) aged 17-70 – simply snap an honest, no sucking in the stomach “before” pic, complete the 90 program, and feel the appreciation of your spouse, children, friends and bosses – check out the Facebook page and if you are a budding CTO, CMO or videographer, get in touch!
  5. Rob – Hustler – City Munch; Rob is the man behind the dynamic platform that is helping restaurants in Shoreditch, Soho, Fitzrovia and Bloomsbury post deals, availability and prices for all you food lovers to enjoy and snap up. 70 restaurants are signed up already (including the famous Busaba Eathai) – so if you are in possession of “bags of brains and energy” then you need to hit Rob up and help him deliver “London for less”. It could be the next Deliveroo – and who would want to miss that bus?
  6. Tom – Hacker – Founders and Coders; we have a new first at HHH! The first man ever to wear a saucepan on his head (for no other reason than he happened to have one handy) whilst pitching – it was certainly a talking point. Here’s another; Founders and Coders can help you become a developer – with their coaching you could be building an MVP – in just 2 weeks. What is more they are self-styled friendly and approachable. The guys don’t charge for training and select on talent and ability, not elite education. Their aim is for 100% of their graduates to earn their living creating code – how cool is that (cooler than wearing a saucepan on one’s head – most definitely). Hit them up for a new life adventure!
  7. HJ Fantaskis – Hacker –; first off – great hair! Colourful, creative, queer, designer and UX specialist with 6 (count them) year’s design experience delivering work that is compelling, beautiful, on time and on budget. Available for short term graphic and UX Design projects – experience includes work with CapGemini, Bupa, Unilever and the United Nations. So if you’re design needs a revamp, go find HJ Fantaskis – you literally can’t miss her (and we’re wagering you probably won’t forget the name, either). Done!
  8. Sophia T Passerini – Hipster – Passerini Design; aimed at the tasteful, high end of the market, Sophia’s interior design and furniture sales business features and online store that is ready to scale – were the right investor to come on board the result could be transformative – with stellar amounts of design and sales experience this lady is on a mission to restore our souls – by giving us beautiful sofas and surroundings in which to nurture them! Beautiful, bold, looking for investor gold – are you sold?
  9. Diego – Hustler – Berry, En; hailing a revolution in the nutritional food supplements market Diego was even prepared to get high on his own supply right on stage – and who can beat that for showing faith in the MVP! There’s gel, there’s skincare and then there’s the mysteriously name B.en in a box! Diego believes he can help you earn some extra income – try something new you old dog!
  10. Bernard – Hustler – Urban Sports; its sport – it’s in Central London – ok so what’s new? It’s on Hoverboards! That’s right, Bernard and his investment banker business partner have discovered the ultimate way to enjoy sports – whilst riding those notoriously hard to navigate Segway style boards that-don’t-really-hover-but-are-still-seriously-cool. How could we not close with a pitch like that – “we just decided to do it!” says Bernard – and who are we to disagree? Class! Sorry we don’t have the details, but hey, you are HHH’ers, you will find a way to find Bernard – we know it – we trust it will happen!

So intrepid ones, creatures of the (Monday) night, Campus Googlers – it’s time to say “au revoir” – but not for long this time – we’re back with GaP->GaS (Got a Problem? -> get a Solution, silly) in just a couple of weeks – stay tuned, and keep on hustlin’


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